I've written a fair few tutorial things and had a super time doing it. But I've only done one thing that scared me - applying for Women in Radio - and that went so well my whole view of my future changed.
Perhaps it is time to step up and do more.
Believing that most things are better when you have a list, I'd better get organised. There are things I don't like, things I am scared of, stuff I truly believe I can't do, things I had a bad experience of when I was younger and never returned to, things I'd love to do but think I'd fail at, things that seem too hard - or awkward, or just plain un-fun - for me.
JAY'S LIST OF TRICKY STUFF
- Reading Lord of the Flies
- Reading any Russian novels
- Reading William Gibson and knowing what on earth it means
- Eating anything aniseedy
- Eating meat
- Keeping my opinion to myself (!!)
- Watching a scary film
- Playing a video game
- Having a driving lesson
- Taking guitar lessons
- Learning to quilt
- Knitting something other than a scarf
- Making something I could wear
- Writing a will
- Giving up wine
- Finding an exercise I don't hate
- Losing weight
- Keeping the house clean - actually CLEAN - for more than 12 hours
- Doing daily exercise for a month
- Having more than a handful of friends read my blog (although I am very grateful to you all!)
- Saying No to a favour without prevaricating
- Trying a singing lesson
- Writing an essay
- Writing a short story, even if I never show it to anyone
- Travelling to somewhere other than the First World
- Going somewhere I don't speak even a smidge of the language
- Go fishing - I'd love to do this but I am also squeamish of the aftermath
Hmm. Not quite the fearless woman I like to pretend to be.
Some of those things won't happen: too expensive, too difficult or taking more time than I currently have spare. I'm unlikely to take up driving just now because we don't have the cash. Snap for foreign travel. And a scary film... I get nightmares. Shocking ones. I wake up sobbing and terrified like a small child. I'm not sure I'm up to a scary film.
I just typed out reasons not to do most of the things on that list, actually, but deleted them. Of course I have many reasons not to do them - they are the things I shy away from. I've spent years justifying why I shouldn't do them. But that's hardly in keeping with my goal to try stuff.
So, what now? Where should I start?